Dr. Aviva S. Nubel saved my life.

Currently, I am a teacher of 5^th grade in a prestigious public school in the metropolitan NY/NJ area. How I came to hold on to this teaching job amidst the crisis of sex-change surgery and the chaos it caused is simply unlikely to some—but it is a miracle to me. I owe Dr. Nubel so much for teaching me the courage it takes to stand strong and to trust in what is right.

Growing up with transsexualism is a hell of sadness. By the time I arrived at Dr. Nubel’s practice in the 1990’s, I had been told by ministers and priests to basically, “suck it up” and move on with my life as a man—while inside I was dying. Dr. Nubel “put it on the line” with me, carefully spelling out her opinion of my condition— and a measured treatment plan. I was in control of my decisions at all times. I have taken personal responsibility for who I am and what I have become. At no time was I coerced or given false information about myself. The decisions to become Kerri were often exciting—but just as often were they heartbreaking (losing my house, my marriage, my ability to coach youth sports when my story went public). However, Dr. Nubel was there for me each step of the way. She was and is a no-nonsense therapist who helped me to “live the dream”. To this day, I can hardly believe that I am a parent, a teacher, and a happy person—it is so far from where I ever saw myself ending up when I was in the dregs of transsexualism as a child.

I always loved the sign in Aviva’s office, “Those who matter do not judge—those who judge do not matter” (anonymous). It pretty much says it all about her view on life and gives the transsexual so much strength to blossom and be his/herself.

Oh, and her family—what great sacrifices they made. Dr. Nubel’s kids constantly had people in the waiting room of their house growing up. Aviva treated us with such importance, and yet the kids never seemed resentful toward us—or jealous. To the contrary, they were always tolerant and kind. I look back upon Donald Drive as a place of my childhood—as a place where I grew up. Aviva raised her children to be open-minded and loving toward those who were different and just trying to live. She taught her own children—and us—to “Live and let live.”

Some might think that calling Dr. Nubel a, “Mother Teresa” of the transgender community a stretch—but I don’t. What do you call a woman who ostensibly saved a whole generation of transgendered people? I call her a beautiful, strong, courageous woman—and I call myself, grateful. How ironic that Aviva’s name means “springtime.” I was in deep winter all my life until I met Dr. Nubel. Now, as a parent, a teacher, and as a citizen of this awesome country—I live in springtime. While many of the things I lost will never come back—they are being replaced by such other amazing things. Thank you Dr. Nubel!

Kerri

p.s. I have attached a poem I wrote that is dedicated to Dr. Nubel.

Aviva (picture courtesy MS ClipArt)

©2007, Kerri McCaffrey, from her collection, Crossing Stony Brook

How funny your name means spring!

Sing, my heart, sing, sing, sing! Finally now

you are allowed to be proud. New life, end of winter’s strife!

Hearts bloom in spring, so let us sing Aviva! Sing!

Aviva! Pasteled florals, lavender lilacs,

tulips, carnations, parties, incantations.

Canadian breeze, swaying trees, sing the spring, roses rebirth,

Mother Earth, sing the spring, Aviva!

Mystic jaunts, backyard swings and hallowed haunts—

Spring, cooling, warming—we are reborn in spring.

Aviva! Think colors, think diversity, Tolerance University.

Spring, fun-flings and shopping sprees. Oh please, sing Aviva! Sing!

Green grass and G-d’s green earth, mirth

rebirth. At long last pinks and purples, limes and

rhymes— (and let’s be real), whelps too! Help, Aviva! Oy Vay’, yessss?

There, always there. Our spring.

So sing the spring—our Aviva sing!